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| i've finally purchased my laptop, and i've noticed that i have become a much happier person. if i had known how much better i'd feel, i'd have bought it earlier. just been so hestitant, since it's such a huge chunk of my life savings. but it feels good that i bought it with my own money. i made an intro. it will play before any video that i create from here on out. turn up the volume. http://www.thejuliaprojekt.com/intro.html | | |
| just a nerdy update for the few who give: i filmed the sunrise from twin peaks today for the 3rd time because i'm super anal like that. it's tricky filming the sunrise. the lens gets condensation from the heat of the sun and the coldness of the air. kind of tired since i need to wake up at 430 to run first. i'm so anal i piss myself off. but i did get hit on by some guys who went up there to get stoned. i have the audio on tape. funny shiza. i'll include it in the outtakes for "Enjoy The Ride". when i shot it yesterday, dreamworks was up there shooting b-roll of the city. it was my first time being up close and personal with a professional hollywood camera. they let me look thru it, and it was really cool seeing the SF cityscape in grainy film texture. they were kool guys too. and then i'm shooting my first wedding this sat, and that starts at 6am. i believe that this week is almost as hectic and sleep-deprived as the time when shooting for "A Slight Chance". that guy who's into me..asked me again today if i was sure i didn't want to hook up with him. i do like him, but i'm just protective. it surprises him that i want to be so independent, because i told him how i also don't like asking for help from ppl [film equipment, money, the oh-so-beautiful apple laptop..]. i told ryan about my boss offering to buy me the laptop, and he thinks i'm crazy too. he said "asking for help isn't a sign of weakness". i guess everyone's heart doesn't beat the same. | | |
| yesterday at lunch, my co-workers asked if i got offended easily. i told them that it's hard for anything to offend me, but the one thing that can is if you talk shit about the path i'm on. once you do that, i will hold a grudge against you until the end.
my boss called me this morning to say how he really liked my work, and he offered to buy me an apple laptop. i was shocked. it means so much , because it shows that he sees potential in me. bekka has jokingly asked that if she ever became a famous pro-golfer and bought me an apple laptop, would i accept it. she knows how i turned down my mom's offer because she doesn't believe in me. so now i've got another offer. one that's real, but comes out of someone's faith in me. when my boss first offered, i was totally going to accept, just out of instinct and temptation. but now, after thinking about it some more, i'm wondering if i should. i kno anyone in their right mind would accept, much less accept an offer from his/her own parents. yes, it's very flattering to kno that someone believes in me and wants to invest so much money towards me, but at the same time..for some reason..i want to do it on my own. i told bekka that day, that of course i would accept a laptop from her because i kno she believes in me, but i was only kidding around because it was all just casual conversation. but now that something like that has actually come up, i'm forced to think about it for the first time: if someone who believes in me offers to help, what do i do?
i'm not going to accept.
i kno that on the path to success, sometimes you need help from others. i never knew this about myself until now..how i can be so stubborn and proud. maybe the people around me have made me this way. i already kno that i'm going to be cause of my own demise. i kno that the odds of making it are slim to none, but all i will say is, if i ever become successful, i became successful on my own. and if i fail, i failed on my own. | | |
| "It ain’t like me to beg on my knees." - 'With You' by Linkin Park
ryan just got back from visiting his parents. he told me how they gave him money as a gift. a lot of money. in fact, they were the ones who bought him his apple laptop. and ramind's parents bought him his professional camera. i thought about myself. i would never accept hundreds of dollars from my parents. even when i tell them i'm going out, my dad has oftentimes handed me a twenty, but i never accept. i'm not saying that ryan did wrong. i guess everyone's heart doesn't beat the same. i told him about the camera thing too. he reacted the same way bekka did. i kno that my attitude is going to backfire..someday, somehow. and i kno that i'm going to be the cause of my own demise.
i knew there'd be obstacles, but damn. | | |
| "It's never better staying ignorant. Willful ignorance is surrendering control." - Kevin Fischer, Final Destination III
i just got back from oregon, where there's no tax on anything you buy. i walked past some apple laptops and HD cameras. another golden opportunity has passed me by, esp since my dad asked me 3 times if i was positive i didn't want the camera. each time was harder than the last to say no..to say no to something that i've dreamt about for so many nights now. call me ignorant, call me stubborn, call me proud. if they don't believe in me, then why do they want to buy these things for me? useless fact: i could buy a 61" plasma tv and have $200 left over for the price of an apple laptop..jesus. | | |
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